my lil cruel world

stuck in the middle of circumstance, made me think twice to take some risks. and gamble too much.
we wish we could turn back time.
fix several mistakes in the past, and keep along with the comfort side of it.

sometimes, we wish there is no stupid mistake. we wish we could understand so much acknowledge before we failed.
we thought we were smarter than we did
and mistakes, is the bad dreams,
something that we wish we could fast it forward, or throw it to the trash.
a middle crisis that we never want it happened.

change

change is the very first move, so we couldn't see what will happen.
we couldn't imagine what will be
we wish everything is gonna be better, there's always hope and dreams.

for some people, change is pretty hard and clueless.
and least people is mind to change.

and i was one of them.

in senior high school, i thought that cleverness is legacy, only several lucky persons born to be gifted. i dreamed about ideal direction of life, graduated from the best junior high school in town, and being accepted in the best senior high school too.

i was thinking to be a doctor, i was thinking for a happy ending fairytale
i thought that life was a static epic, gifted and blessed.
i wish i wouldn't change anything.

even until this present, i wish i could turn back time.
i wish i didn't do so much gambling
set the risks too high
and fell down to the deepest point of my life.

rhetorical question is floating on my mind: is it another bad dream? or i'm just wake up from the very fairly dream that never can be real?

did i gamble too much? or, i'm just learn how too play?
did 20 is the end of my teenage all dream? or it just beginning to the maturer of age?

do i have to celebrate? or crying out loud for the last? and pretend like i'm getting stronger day by day.
even i am not really sure what kind "stronger" does it mean.
i'm lost. i think.