In the middle of Raining Day

Christmas is really close, though i don't celebrate Xmas, i can feel the atmosphere. My hometown turned to be Forks in Twilight, suddenly all the things become so mellow. I guess, Closer by the Travis should be really perfect for this kind of mood.

Travis-Closer

Yesterday, Knight was sick. I kind of worried, because he needs to get his final project done less than a month. And i need to prepare some stuffs before final exam. I know that December always be like this.
Talk about December, i flown to the new years eve two years ago, i spent new year eve in a hype Mall in my city. I met Knight that night, but he wasn't mine. He sat across my table, he was with his girlfriend at that moment. I saw him happy and that's all. I didn't happy at that moment. I lost so many things in my life. i betrayed by so many people. and without my intention i was being mean to some persons in my life.
I know I used to be mean to some people, like, I gave hope and failed them. I pushed away people. and I was being uncertain about my own feelings. There were not much thing to proud of.
Now, I learned that time goes by. How bad or good the situation is never lasts. Couple Months ago, it was sunny, then today it's raining all the time.
Exactly year ago, i was crying under my blanket, how this life could be so mean to me. In the end of this year, i feel so blessed. Nothing's permanent.
Life is always like this.... full of dramas, tears, laughs, cries. My achievement seemed nothing compared to what I've learned this year.
I know time will pass, but of course, i need to fight on something like my gpa, then i need to think about my final project, then i need to do some research about master degree. Honestly, i feel little bit worried, my responsibility is getting bigger and deeper. I can't be fail.
Money, is not the 1st to chase, but if I want to run a proper life, anything needs money.
and at times, your idealistic of life, dreams, and fun contradicts with the basic needs of life.
Next 2012, I'll be 22, and i need to be graduated in the mid year then continue my study. I need to earn some money to run my own life. By 2014 I've got my master already. and living life by my own.
Then, the idea of love is something so tiny compare to the things i should do.

I wish my parents give me more clue to pass these hard times, what I have to do? what I shouldn't do? Sometimes, I little bit confuse. in the middle of raining day.