Past and Present

I should be true, I am an envious person sometimes. I am an over achiever and never satisfied.
I got four acceptance letters and three of them offer me full scholarship. I walked to a job interview and I made it. But still, when my eyes rolling to some friends and looking their success, I am envy as hell.
I am happy for them really, but I always thinking, what if... It could be me. No it couldn't be me.

I think it was a practical joke when my parents wanted me to continue study. Hell it wasn't.

I know it will be my benefit if I could get an additional degree behind my name. At least, I could work in many consultant agencies, international companies: financial, oil, consumer goods, etc. I am dreaming to work in such places.

I can imagine myself opens a business also. I could generate some money from selling stuffs. This quarter life crisis somehow can be mind-blowing.

The older I am, the more plain I become. Whatsoever with happy ever after scenario. I have staircase to climb and I am not going to fail.

Yes, please label this generation to be "age of over-achiever-narcissist"

Of course I mind if people pointing out me become narcissist and over achiever, but yes, deep down inside, I know I am.

That's this blog all about, to accommodate my handcuffed feelings all this time.

Oyah, I just watch cloud atlas on a dvd couple days ago and it was so thrilling, hilarious, and magnificent. The movie has a long time span from 1870 to 2300 something. Crazy isn't it?

I take some notes to the dialogues, this one is the heartfelt one:

"Our life is not our own, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.."

You see?

Yeah, maybe it's true. We birth our future by our deeds. I am envious, and I want to be cured.