Free Spirit Mind

Maybe that's true, people change but not really change until at the end, everything is completely changed.

Talking about changing, the only thing does not change is a chamber in my head. It is the loudest room in the world.

I was thinking, I really need to write my feelings and my thoughts down before I am getting crazy.

I had sleeping problems, I am so insecure about future, yet when I am looking in the past.. In fact, everything just fine.

I remember every special glitz of memories. I think I have problem with my working memory..

My mind likes to race with itself, resulting bunch of random slides in my projector-head.

The more I think about yesterday, today, and tomorrow.. The more fundamental questions raised in my head.

One moment, I was thinking, "should I write down every target me wanted to accomplish?"

The other moment I think, "great Nadia, you've achieved this far.. Do you think there is another mountain to climb?"

One side of me, I am tired of being an achiever.. Because deep down inside I am a dreamer.

But, I have a huge pride.

I was born and raised with higher standard cultivated by my parents. I was also seeking for recognition type of kid.

I know that I cannot blame my parents for an adult I used to become today.

When I was in early 20s, I asked myself: "what do I really want in life?"

I couldn't find answer, later on I made peace with my spirit for doing the best things out of me.

But in fact, now, I sort of understand what everybody wants in life.. In short everyone wants to be happy, contained, and loved.

In longer explanation, people just want to be enlighten about things that mattered to them.

We could be doctor and wanted to be a specialist, I could be a normal engineer who wanted to be a conglomerate. No, I don't want to be a conglomerate. Having Lamborghini is never a dream for me.

I want to write a book. It feels like I ate too much without going to loo.
It feels like, I saw a lot of things.. I think about a lot of stuffs but these outcome of free spirited thinking is never comes out.

The only person who could tame my running mind, is my boyfriend.

When he is present, he is the center if my universe.
Yeah, I am that type of a girl.

I want to give my everything. I feel like boring if I only thinking about my things.
Everything related relationship is matter a lot to me. The groom of my boyfriend is top priority to me.

Meaner people say, I might give label to everything including boyfriend. Maybe.

But, when I have someone to think about. My thoughts won't be as crazy as it is idle like this period.

I know I have a lot of stuffs to think about, but other people' stuffs are always more interesting to me.

At the end, maybe having this kind of brain, could be a blessing and a curse.

A blessing that I know, I am deeper than just what appear on the surface.
A curse, because I feel like not normal.

Well....

I know, even if I write down everything... I won't get satisfied until I know I wrote things that matter to other people not just my another junk story.

Wish me a good night please..