This is not what I want

there's no girl in this world wants to be hurt, wants to be the number two. any of us, wants to be happy, wants to be priority. it was our nature, in an ideal condition.

at times, we need to decide, whether we settled as the number two or to leave our one. like the old times, love is above everything.

i know, this conclusion is stupid. i can't believe myself to write such a naive post like this. but yes, i learned a lot. how to be a woman.

but still, this is not what i want.

i don't know how to deal with love, if there were another girl involved in this. but it happened many times due to my love life experiences.

i fought with another girl, i got mad at her, i underestimated by her, i've been humiliated a lot by the creature called women.

in the name of love, they hurt me by their words.

in the name of love, they seize my partner like so many times

in the name of love, they flirt with mine!

and in the name of love, i can do nothing. but stay rockened.

such a loser, i knew i acted such a loser.

i can't even make them stop,

i act more like boys when i have to face girls. it because, i am stronger.

i can't cry easily, i always cry secretly.

i always face the hard matter, while they were freakin' out behind me.

or maybe it because, i am the eldest of three girls in my family.

now, am so sad.

i don't know what to do.

i don't want anyone touch mine, he's mine! he's mine!

but, if someone wants him bad... should i wait? should i let it be?

i keep silent.

i can be mad at my boyf,

i can shout at him, if i want to

but i never can make a girl cries.

am stronger than the average

but still, am not strong enough to keep this pain.

no one happy with this.

can you imagine, i need to control myself for this 2 months. i hurt everytime i see how my boyf treaten by her. i can be mad at him, because he is a man. *even i didn't do that.

my emotions still in control, but no one can understand how hurt i feel inside.

and what kind of damage that i keep only for myself, and my blog.

am stronger than the average,

but still, not strong enough to keep this pain any longer.