my mind is the way more calm than my soul. while my soul is more passionate, superior, and stubborn. my mind is all about forgiveness, tolerate, and love.
yes. i love someone with my brain.
and yes, at times, my heart leads me into something wrong. everytime i let my emotion takes place. it's always wrong. and i never change. like i never learn.
in these days, i kind of sad because so many things. i feel like, i left behind. i don't know what to do. my friends didn't talk much to me, just boys. i don't why, a mournful girl like me always seem attracting for boys.
i spent too much time to think how my relationship could be, am about to give up but i still linger on him. my boy friends try to make a joke with my ugly sadden face. they were nice.
my girl friends didn't talk much, i know, i giggle less these days. and girls love giggling.
3 from my 4 realtionships were like this. the first was the worst. the wounds still remain, after years. it doesn't mean that i can't move, but i have a good memory of pain. i can remember every detail and every destruction from whom i loved.
now, i feel like, i let myself doing the same thing again. my positive side said that i was prepared for this. i can handle this. my negative side said that, "don't be stupid! you owe yourself a happiness. don't be a fool!"
actually, i don't care whether he'll cheat or not, he'll lie or not. it's absolutely his right to do whatever he wants to do.
i just don't want to be a victim, of a stupid relationship. a stupid long distance relationship.
while my study is so real. my dreams, my passion, my target...are so real.
i know, i never change. i always sad because nothing. i always sad, and boys always cheer me up. i happy for a moment, until i left them, and they'll hate me. i used them for my own satisfaction. and as punishment, i fall in love with the man who doesn't care as much as i expect him to be. he fails me.
i never change. i keep on this track for years. am a difficult, odd, and selfish person who always underestimate herself. and at the end, i'll fall asleep in despair. i waste my time. i hurt myself. i made wrong decision for me. and i made myself, regretting for it. all the time.
i don't know, which one is true. i always meet badluck in love or i always screw up everything which actually not that bad. tell me?
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