blurry

let us start from: blurry, old, fun, just picture...

I have new hobby, capturing everyday's moment with 4 lens lomo. i know it was too late, lomo did no longer happening. but who cares? since i only took 19 credits, no longer in Eureka, almost no longer active in student association, and all i can do is waiting a call from my bf. phew. it such a crap.

photo 1: my bestfriend britney we sat on random chairs, not a photogenic one

photo 2: me with origami

well, doesn't mean i don't like to talk with him in hours, i like it! but i have to make myself busy with stuffs. the more he ignores me, the more i keep my interest on him. like unravel curiosity.

i don't know how it ends?

so, i decide to keep myself busy, like cooking (my friend who tastes my meal said that it was plain, lol), lomo-ing, more browsing, arrange my old songs to folders, read a bit more, and waiting. don't you think it's fun, do you???

well, i already accepted in one big company for internship in the next July, am dying to work there... i think that's the only "real" goal in my life rite now. to have internship in July.

yeah, i know, it doesn't sound so me... while i always have a plan for every step, for every timeline in my life.

like i plan, i'll be retired in 40ies, and i'll own small business, and i'll teach my children with 3 different languages.

now my plans are like:

- waiting my bf qualified

- graduated from collage

- find a job

- married

- travels

well, that were still plans, but that was the first time my plan is related to somebody else, not since i broke up with my 1st bf.

most of my friends, really sorry for my condition rite now. they said this is the worst. maybe they were right. but, after the exchange, i saw so many opportunities outside my frame.

like people in my age motivate themselves to be graduated as best as they can, they'll look for a job, and be married with their partner. live happily ever after. what a pattern.

this is the picture of my l'amitie friends, we had lunch at Galaxy food court that day

then my scenario, what if, i really love someone, i want to see him succeed. i want him to see me as i am, and i want to be a meaning. for him, for family, and maybe, i can do something to my environment.

last night i dreamed about built a playground for multi culture races in Europe. and these recent times, i always thinking about having a ferris wheel. it such a dream!

i still have passion in my subject, i do. i just no longer feel the excitement of campus and environment.

well, honestly, there is still a plan behind all of these.

i want to live abroad.

i don't know why, but it seems life, here, boring. the more you know about people, the less you can talk.

like people talking about people

i did too

but what's the point?

i know every man in these earth are connected, related, affect and affected each other. doesn't mean that we have to know their life, talks their life, and live their life. what a life?

the maturer we become, the more we knew that life wasn't that naive, a good man did bad things, a villain is a hero, and a good girl is always sad. news become trashes and media blow ups. nothing interesting except Hollywood movies and American books.

so, where's the point?

tell me where's the point. ah, i want to live in movie, like sex in the city, or no string attached, or life as we know it, or a source code.

making the right decision, and making the good story to read. all my life now? stagnancy.

i want to see my boyfriend often, i want him to love me more, i want him to love me just me. or just erase my feeling for him. continue my single life, find a perfect soul mate?

i don't know what i really want rite now... blurry.