feel like a mess

well, i bet this is my first bad feeling in 2012, wow! shud i celebrate it? last night i cried a lot, i couldn't sleep, it was 2 am. i kept telling myself, "there's nothing bad happen. rest your eyes, rest your eyes..." finally after made up my mind, i went to sleep. i took morning praying at 5 o'clock and i cried a little bit. i prayed for myself, my boyfie, and familly. i woke up at 9, maybe 10, then i checked my phone. i saw that my boyfie already got my text. he read it. no replied. i text him first. he said he just woke up. not much thing to talk, so we ended the conversation. i cried again. wonder, how many times i've been so weak and crying on fool things.
this feeling came to me in sudden, the previous day i went to coffee shop with one of best friend, then i logged on twitter, i saw someone adding me, i accepted her, i saw my boyfie page, and i saw her follows him. my heart skips a beat. i told myself to calm, it just an coincidence. i overwhelmed.
after coffee time, i spent some time to accompany my boyfie. we had dinner. he was pretty tired, i could see that. then he said, his ex text him. tada. my heart jumped again. i said "it's okay". well, it wasn't okay. after i reached my home, i text him. he was so cold. he didn't say much thing. he didn't say any details, he always say his details to me, but he didn't last night. i was so.... um i don't know. i cried.
Today, my heart is so miserable. i know he has been so busy in these couple weeks. i don't want to put more pressure on him. i let him to do what he needs to do. i hope this feeling gone.

at this moment, i just remember what my mom said to me, "Nadia, you always like that. you gone too far with emotions, and you lost. the only person you destructed is yourself."

maybe i over think, since i know my boyfie is a good person. he will say to me what he needs say to me. i trust him like Pinocchio trusts the Blue Fairy. well, this is the first mess in 2012. i hope my writings made my feeling better.

happy holiday! :)