Today I had lunch with a friend and we exchange updates, it was so usual until I realise I miss having usual chats with friends.

Grew up in the near proximity with a lot of people made me more sensitive towards others' feelings. Most of time, it made me grateful of what I have in life; love, family, boyfriend, friends, books, cactus in my room and everything I need.

So, short of story, we had lunch, it was pizza time but due to my sore throat I avoid anything fried.
I can't believe that some of my friends have so much and looks so calm, while I have less workload but I feel like almost crazy.

I know that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone except myself yesterday. but this event like slapped me on my face.

Most of time I feel like my problem is like a heavy world I carry on my back.
Most of time I think that people are so smart while I am so stupid
Most of time I think no matter how hard I try I can't beat them

It was untrue. It is like comparing apple to pineapple.

In fact, my doubts are a like little tiny drops in the ocean of this problem. Insignificant yet I consume so much energy focusing on it.

It is when you have too focus attention, you can't detect the unexpected event that may comes.
I don't want to end up to be too tense in life.

So, my friend told me that she feels low this day, I do too!
and she is not very welcome in her lab, well, I should be grateful my labmates are so nice.
We both have the same difficulties in study life like this...

Our home is far, not many people will speak to us,
almost nobody understands us,
for south east asian pursuing degree in east asian country is not like changing a school to another school.
People tend to see us from a less manner civilisation and not many people want to be friend with us.
Some who want to be friend with us is definitely a kind hearted ones. At least, it is good... we are not surrounded by noise-people.

I told to her that this is a student life, study in a home country is also not easy... so studying abroad wouldn't be any less easier. I think I calmed her down and that was a good feeling.

It is so sad that I have to drop a course and my Prof doesn't pay much attention to students. He treats us like a worker, I know that we will face this reality soon. But, I hope when I assign to a company someday, I can have a boss like a mentor and I can have an office like a home.

Yeah but that's the perks of life! we all are complicated as how we are not appeared on surface.

Am I asking too much?
In fact, deep deep down in my heart... I only need love. A love that never leave, to love and be loved in return. A love that provides shelter in gloomy days. A love that grows over time.

But yeah, just let see.. I am still too young to sum everything up. I still need to explore more.. to learn more. to give more. to love more!


"My definition of poor are those who need too much. Because those who need too much are never satisfied."
-Jose Mujica-