wake up moods

okay, i have a terribly unstable moods every morning... and the victims are people around me. my family. my maid. and my boyfriend... how poor they are. =p
every i wake up, and open my eyes, i always feel there is something missing today. or, a bitter feeling likes,

"why it just a dream? i don't want to open my eyes..and doing the same routines. if only it just a dream.. please makes me always in my dream"

hehe.. it is silly huh?

but, not all the bad moods (of the day) come from me, sometimes my bf is really not sensitive and doing likes he never has gf! huh...

i wanna angry, but i promise to myself.. "that was old you.. the new you.. is you are stable and not ease to get in anger!"

okay, e.g :

1. he always sleep before i sleep at night, and do not text me something special. i know that was tiny things, but.. how can i say this relationship special? he never has an unforgettable closing at all...
2. he is too concern on his schedule, that makes nothing fun and looks static not dynamic! i want dynamic life for living.
3. he never sweet me as much as i want... (okay, i confess i am lil bit obsessed with romantic guy..=))
4. he rarely sacrifice for this relationship.
5. he is (not yet) understand my ego... even i (not really) understand his ego..

like today, i open my eyes and feel, how much that i hate him and love him at the same time. huft.

*
i hate and i love you at the same time
i know that you are not yet deserve my love
but i want to change you
change you into something new
i know that i am not really like whatever you look like
but i love something in you
something that must to be shown
must to be found
and i'll be the first to have it own
*