where the passion lies...you need to trust yourself

i'm in the middle of crisis, a damn crisis.

"i realize that i don't trust myself anymore.. i start to worry too much on myself. like, how do i look? do i look bad? what if i can't make money like my parents did? what if i can't give my child the toys they liked? what if i fail on tests? what if i can't meet someone who's willing to be my husband?

does my future husband looks great? is he deep? is he shallow? does his salary can cover our family expense? do i need to work? what's my purpose?

i'm ugly. i'm stupid. no one wants to be with me :("

i don't know why these stupid questions just popped up in my head, and i'm too scared. i need to trust myself, but i don't know how.

i know i can handle all the difficulties, see, i was survived. but....still.... i can't deny that i'm too scared. i'm screwed up, messed up... and don't know what to do.

i pray to God, i pray to God, and i cry... i cry like a child.

i'm stuck, and there's no way back around.

wish i could turn back time, i'll prepare my future as early as possible. and i don't want to waste my time on the stupid crush. stupid friendship. and stupid laziness.

God, i'm begging you... please please let me get what i want this time.