my happiness project

I realised that I've been writing this blog since 2009 and most of the articles were about sadness and gloomy feelings. I agree that being blue is the most powerful source to art. By arts, we express burden feelings that we tried so hard to diminish.

So, instead of focusing ourselves in sadness, I want to develop my happiness project. I am not in the vague state or what, in fact I am right now enjoying a peaceful stage on my life. The time we get older, the more prone us to sadness, failure, and also dissatisfaction towards life.

I find this fact is relaxing. I don't have to be worried that the sadness will kill me, it surely makes me stronger. More capable of handling things in life. When we were younger, we thought we got maturer. Event passes, we only know when we get mature. It is not something we talk about, it is something we do without talking.

You can't never convinced people that you are able to drive fast until you show them the experience of driving fast. And need to be noted, a measurement, a standard you set for yourself is different for each people.

You can say you're happy enough, but who sets "enough"? Don't you deserve more? Don't you want more?

My boyfriend is really competitive in achieving things in his life. Almost every day he sets higher standard for himself. At first I thought it must be German thing, since the stereotype of German is already exaggerated. But, he isn't. Being a German himself is the firewood of his nature to burn. Compare to his friends, he is still the outstanding one.

As for me, insignificant girl from insignificant country, I feel so little compare to his ambition. His flare somehow, extinguish my candle which already so little. But, during 5 months of our togetherness, I learned that he only wants me to be happy. The happier I become, the more tender he'll treat me. Happiness is contagious.

Like many many of young people, we started by reading Gretchen Rubin book, "The Happiness Project". I am still 1/3 to its finish but I feel connected to her writing. I definitely matched her personality of being legitimate and determined. I find eat-pray-love is somehow tiresome and unrealistic. I find myself living a boring-happy life at the same time. I feel I am not good enough in maintaining networking and I always want a gold medal for myself, so does my boyfriend.

Well, I don't know how my project will start or the goals I'll set as the determination. I'll find it by time I finished reading the book and try as much as new things here. I will update soon! I can't say anything but to show it and how this project giving impact to me.

p.s.: I've been thinking also to take my long distance relationship more sustainable. Distance forces us to be two different person which has something to tell and something better not. Last night I've been thinking to myself, I am afraid that in the future I'll sleep beside someone I barely know. I am afraid that I'll be married with someone I never trust my feelings are. To be open to your close ones is a really big step for me. But I want to have say someday, that whatever action I choose for myself, I've already talked to my partner. So, my happiness project will include my action to him and how I'll deal ldr.