People

"When there's no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases"

 Proverbs 26:20

I am not usually cite bible or qoran, but when I do, I deeply adore the thinking behind it.
What I found interesting about "people"is: there are always of Ethic, Moral, Value infringement everywhere.

Some people flare like fire
Some people easily burnt like woods
Some people are talebearer

and when those people went away, the strife ceases.

But how can we identify fire, woods, and talebearer?
Or do I also have that trait?

So far I am really aware of this issue, I tend to avoid conflict and In fact, I always do. I don't really know how people see me and how am I suppose to act around them, sometimes, I wish I can snoop my own life from other's glasses so that I can see myself without somebody punches me in the face.

From these three, I think I am definitely not fire, either woods or talebearer. I enjoy gossips and I judge people for fun. I tend to have my own opinion towards domineering type, even though I secretly have this trait.

I am aware of it, and most of time I tried to change myself in better way. Somehow, it takes more than just effort to be better. Most of times I want to give up, I never be good enough or funny enough, or kind enough.

I want to give my labmates crackers that I bought couple days ago but I always forget to bring it to lab.
Sometimes, I think I want to do this "kind-hearted" things but I am just not that kind enough to remember all of them.

I knew that I am domineering sometimes, mostly in the subject that I think I am good about it, for example reading and making presentation. I want to do this and that, I have this and that idea. But what if another person has the same tendency? or even with better capability than I usually do?

I always want to learn more and analyse more, I think I am good at imitating something. Of course, first thing crossed my mind is I want to imitate him/her in order to enrich myself. But what if, the person has the same tendency with completely different background? and it doesn't make sense to me to follow her thinking...

For example, I enjoy literature but I don't think I can go well with literate students. I enjoy art but I don't think I will agree with most of arts colleagues.

We can see one object in many different viewpoints. The problem is, my viewpoint is (I think) different than other people. Of course I respect other's standpoint, but when it comes in making decision, will (anyone) in this world will trade their standpoint with another's just because he/she is too weak to stand for him/herself?

The sad truth is, I am.

Because my trait of avoiding conflict, I  tend to say "yes" or "whatever" to the people who are domineering and I assume have better capability than I do, even though I know that he/she might be wrong in between. I also have trait to see someone's weakness very clear. I can see in millisecond in which part someone's lacking.  But I don't dare to criticise.

It happened in family, I am always the one (beside my youngest sister) who complains about my sister behaviour to my parents. My sisters always think that I am such a loser because I am too weak to stand for myself and to criticise my sisters directly.

In fact my blog was also born because I can't speak up to human being other than myself. I want to keep record of my life, my changing thoughts, my problems and my solution but I rarely share with others.

Maybe I am a talebearer? I really hope I am not. I am not revealing other people's secret, I just most of time try to seek information or judge people. But does it a trait?

Well after all... I tend to keep the grudge inside and seek for gateway because I don't want to face the truth. Being brave and hurting someone's feeling are totally different trait but if we are not careful enough, it might resulted friction.  

at the end I really wish I could survive, to deal with such people