Questioning the Right Things

I'm so scared, I trapped in my own minds, my own senses, my own sadness.

I don't know why people hurt me, is it because I pulled their trigger of emotion? Then they shoot me?

Or they just did, what they wanna did?

I waste my time, blaming my self, mostly about anything.

I watched movies, I read books, I socialize a bit, I cried a lot, I found myself is a pity person.

Why should I care to the person who treated me as option? While I always treat him as priority?

I can't find any logic or sense to my action.

Was it because I have a really big heart to accept bad things people did to me?
Or, I never give up on him?
Or, I just never give up on myself for being number one? While I am not number one.

It's so sad and pity, I can't answer all these questions but I keep questioning myself.

I wish I have life to run very soon, so I could forget this junk for a while.

Well, I really should to re arrange my life from now on. That's the only best I could imagine for me, now.

Nadia Aulia