Sadness keeps my writings updated

well, it's funny to see i was writing crazily last month, like anything should be spelled out. then after i satisfied with sadness, i re read my writing and thought it was crazy. and stupid.

sadness keeps my writings updated.

at least, i did something useful during my gloomy days. thou, at times, i felt the same still. i wonder, how could i passed from this sadness? i was so sad, i cried like baby, i cried in showers, i cried in car, i cried on my desk, i cried in my sleeps. now, i even couldn't make a tear falling. did i cured?

i know, some stories are better to be kept. i didn't talk this shit to my friends, of course, what the hell they might thinking. they knew me as a strong person. and so far, i made myself proud by letting my weak side to feel the pain, and at the same time i became stronger. i faced this problem. and i never run.

i am happy he was gone. at least. when he's not around, i never feel hurt. i don't care with anything i have done for him, or for the relationship. from the beginning, i thought i did something RIGHT. then, after things happened, i think, there were no point of holding each other. because it was wrong.

Why? if i hold this thing any longer, sooner or later, there will be someone cries. it might be me, or another girl. if i choose to hate, it'll be a poison. not only for the person i hate, also my heart.

i didn't hate anybody. i used to hate so many girls who were hurting me. i didn't feel any better since then.

So, i let this sadness spread my heart. let people talk about me, hating me, or cursing me. things that people thinks about me, is not my business at all. hatred hurt them deeper. not mine.

So, here i am, posting this "another gloomy article" from my comfortable room. Finally i went back to Hot-Hot-Heat Surabaya. I changed all the pictures already. I cleaned my room from "his things" and it was relieving me.

in my first homecoming, i cut my hair very short, then i kept up with my family. they didn't get mad of my scores. i promised i would never fail them again. and i went to malls, i met best friends, i went to office, and i did my old works.

i made a film in this previous 2 days. it was about public retaining film for my campus. the money wouldn't be much. but i really enjoyed it. Doing arty thing is one of my best.

besides, Hometown Holiday, now, i am in the making of tactical strategic for my new semester. i am still confuse about many things. the point is not afraid of failure, but how bounce in every failure does count. don't you think so?

well, at the end, happy Friday night. Happy Fasting Month. Happy Indonesian Independence Month. and Happy International Youth Day - August 12th 2011

love,